Why does this passage cause so much offense or freak people out so much? Is this a bad translation? Is this just Paul’s opinion and we should disregard it? Thankfully when we put it in historical and wider context, these passages prove to be some of the most encouraging in scripture in regards to the family. God is not interested in subjugating a gender or type of person, He is interested in giving purpose and order to the family. The society that is reading this letter was firmly patriarchal and every family was already understood to obey and submit to the father of the family to a fault. Paul instead describes this concept of mutual responsibilities that would be completely countercultural. The ultimate point is that, for each member of the family, our sacrificial love for the other members are truly representative of Christ and the church. The Christian families would have been some of the first in this time period to value and give “rights” to all members of the family. The Epistle to Diognetus describes the difference perfectly. “Christian share everything but their wives, Romans share nothing but their wives.” Justin Martyr and Athenagorus were other early church fathers that describe in great detail how deviant the Roman society was and how orderly, pure, and hospitable the Christian household was. We should also strive for our homes to be examples of God’s order and design, despite the depravity and perversity of our culture. As a matter of fact, an orderly home is arguably our greatest witness to a disorderly culture.
Family in the Bible vs. the family in culture- Then and Now
Mutuality between spouses: how did it look then and now?
5:22–6:9 Building on the principle of mutual submission in Eph 5:21 (which itself stems from being filled with the Spirit in v. 18), Paul presents examples of how believers should be subject to one another in household relationships. In the first-century Graeco-Roman world, it was standard for every household member to be subject in daily affairs to the patriarch. This viewpoint was central to Graeco-Roman society. Paul works within this framework to suggest a model that makes Christ the ultimate authority—his viewpoint is based on mutual love. In these sections of Ephesians, Paul addresses wives and husbands, children and parents, and servants and masters. As he does so, he follows a similar pattern: He first calls on the subordinate—according to Graeco-Roman values—to submit to authority, and then reminds the superior to exercise authority considerately, in ways that honor Christ. Compare Col 3:18–4:1.
John D. Barry et al., Faithlife Study Bible (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2012, 2016), Eph 5:22–6:9.
Wives and Husbands
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Eph 5:22–33.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Eph 6:1–4.